I Hate French Wine

By Leticia Borges.

The way in which the French approach wine is complicated.  If all you want is a nice wine to go with your lovely meal, why does it feel like you must memorize the lineage of every Chateau in Bordeaux dating back to 1389?  A normmelier trying to find a bottle of French wine shouldn’t have to learn about Appellations d’Origine Contrôlée or need an advanced degree in geography.  Sometimes scoring a good bottle of French wine for a decent price is harder than a lesson in quantum physics.

I’m not judging whether the French system is better or worse than any other system out there. I’m simply stating that it’s complicated, which is something that annoys me about wine.

Let’s take the label for example.  When normal people look at the label, they expect to find two very basic pieces of information:

• The wine region.
• The grapes used.

French wine might not provide either one of those so, deciphering the French label requires a bit of additional knowledge. Unfortunately, not everyone has the time -or the interest- to learn about French labels. At that point, it just makes more sense to go for an easy to read label or, better yet, a friendlier country.

My resistance to solve the French wine mystery had kept me from enjoying some of the best wines ever made.  I evidently had some catching up to do because the rest of the world already knew that French wines needed to be embraced, not avoided.

Where to start?

With the very basics. If you know what to look for, all the information you need is right there on the label. Here’s the cheat-sheet:

• France has three primary red wine regions; Burgundy, Bordeaux and Rhone. There are more, but let’s start with these three. These regions grow a specific grape for which they are known:
  1. Burgundy is known for Pinot Noir
  2. Bordeaux for Cabernet Sauvignon (left bank of the river) or Merlot (right bank of the river)
  3. Rhone for Syrah (northern part) or Granache (southern part)
• There are five primary white wine regions in France; Burgundy, Bordeaux, Rhone, Loire and Alsace. These regions also have specific grapes for which they are known:
• 1. Burgundy is known for Chardonnay
  2. Bordeaux for Sauvignon Blanc
  3. Rhone for Viognier
  4. Loire for Sauvignon Blanc, Muscadet and Chenin Blanc
  5. Alsace for Riesling, Pinot Gris and Gewurztraminer

• Champagne is a separate region in France and only sparkling wine that is produced in this region can be called champagne. If it’s produced anywhere else in France, it’s called Cremant.

This opened a whole new world for me. I no longer had to stare at the monster wine wall or at the wine menu with intimidation. The first decision I had to make was how intense I wanted my wine to be and that was heavily driven by the grape/region I chose.  I also knew that I had an excellent quality option to Champagne that I didn’t even know existed.

Suddenly, French wine seemed to be less complicated, more approachable. If I wanted a lighter wine like Pinot Noir, I would look in the Burgundy section. If I wanted a more intense and full bodied wine, I would go for a left bank Bordeaux Cabernet Sauvignon. I also had a much better understanding of the in between.

Don’t get me wrong. Once I dug deeper into French wine and its inherent complexities, I realized how much more there was to learn.  My cheat-sheet only addressed the very tip of the iceberg. Fortunately, that is what most normmeliers seek.

Interested in digging deeper?

If you want to dig one level deeper, here’s another clue that will save you a significant amount of time when you’re buying or selecting wine. The French classify the quality of their wines using three categories (again, just to keep it simple):

• “Vin de Table” (Table wine) or “Vin de France” – These are the least quality wines, mostly red, and meant to be consumed early.
• “Vin de Pays” (Country wine) or “Indication Geographique Protégée” – These are better wines than the Vin de France wines according to a panel of tasting experts. There are specific rules that a producer must follow to qualify their wine as a Vin de Pays (i.e. grapes used, area where grapes were grown, alcohol content, etc.)
• O.C. / A.O.P. Fr. “Appellation d’Origine Contrôlée” or “Appelation d’Origine Protégés” – Finding these letters of phrases on the label means the wine producer followed stricter regulations to make that wine. The promise is they’ll be a good representation of the region from which they come. You might discover you don’t like the style of wine produced in that region after you taste it, but that’s a different story altogether.   These are also the wines you should buy if you can afford them.  Price points are everywhere so don’t be discouraged.

My final quick tip. If you find the word “cru” on the label, that wine is probably worth trying. The definition of cru, grand cru and grand cru classé may vary by region, but chances are the wine will be a better representation of its region of origin.  Just keep in mind that most times, the praises come with a price tag, so you pay when the word cru makes it onto a label.

After reading all of this, let’s pivot back to the basics. You should always buy the wine you can afford.  Having a fancy bottle of Burgundy Grand Cru shouldn’t mean a month of hotdogs for dinner.  The objective should be to know enough to buy a good wine you can afford.

If all else fails and French wine rules are just too complicated, buy the wine that makes you happy. Pick the label with the name you can almost pronounce or the one with the picture of a green horse on it. What’s the worst that could happen? You end up pouring a bottle of mediocre French wine at your party. I’m convinced most people won’t care if, halfway through the party, you erupt into La Marseillaise and pledge allegiance to Napoleon’s army as long as the wine keeps flowing.